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Friday, October 12, 2012

Origins, 1 of 15: 'Bad Egg'

'Bad Egg' 5x7, Acrylics on Canvas
"I don't have the address; but..."

I used to think, 'How great would THAT be???  Not happy with my lot; trade it in!  Head not workin' for me?  Get another!  *Blisssss....*'

Somewhere along the way, however, I've changed my, well, yes... my mind! IRONIC, YES!!! 

Fact is, I loved to think that switching out less-than-desireable aspects of myself would make me happier.  Far worse, I easily imagined that others who seemed to have what I wanted were somehow happier for it.  Happier... What IS that, anyway; more affluent, better looking, smarter, a heck of a sports player, married with children, married without children... less stressed... more smiley, taller, shorter... green eyes, blue.............................................

Current thoughts on the subject?  Rubbish; there are no trade-ins.  However,... there is somewhat of an ex-CHANGE policy, and that, my friends, is real.  

Somehow (and I use 'somehow' because I've yet to understand exactly how), Eureka!  I realized that one's perspectives will change one's perceptions.  Simple: when taking a photograph, walk ten paces to your right and re-aim your camera... Different, yes?  And you may catch something that wasn't in the frame before, but that does not mean it wasn't always there, or that for not having seen it, it was somehow less real...  Perceptions and outlook, I began to understand, have so little to do with what we see in a moment (do, live, experience) and so much to do with how.  Experimental, at first, I made a 'choice'.  I chose to perceive all which I did not see - do, live and feel - as equally valid as what I did.  When I began to validate the prospect of happiness as resolutely as I validated my pain - view them as equals, if you will - I realized the degree to which I could shift my reality and make of it what I wished. 

Agonizing realization, really... Pain is my choice???  Yes.  Yes it is, dear.  It is... 

Agonizing, but wait! EMPOWERING!!  I can??  Yes.  You can.

So, I didn't trade my head in; I traded how I use it. Now, I choose to keep my head, tyvm. I rather like it ^.^


Believe in choice.
Believe that your choices can be different.
Believe that what you feel, in a moment, is no more valid that what you don't yet feel.  And believe that you can feel differently!
Believe you can create a new reality; and it IS equally as valid as everything else you may have known before it.

Friday, October 5, 2012


'Cracked Egg' 36x24, Acrylics on Canvas
"I'm not a sadist, I just play one on canvas."

 Art walk.  A couple walks into the studio, looking no different than the good number of others that have come through that night...  They approach the wall where I have my 'Origins of an Egghead' group of works - my original 15, and admittedly the most 'emotional'.  They exchange some words, point to this work, then that... I'm having a chat with friends, but offer up my usual: "If you have any questions about my art work, I'm happy to answer them." 

"You are the artist?" She seems confused.

"Yes."  I smile; not falsely.  I'm happy.  Good night; good friends...

She, and who I've gathered is her husband, approach, "These are very emotional pieces..."  She still seems confused.

"Yeap", I blurt; big grin.

"You don't look like someone who painted these..."  Whether she realizes it or not, she's starring.

"She's a psychiatrist," the husband adds.

"Very emotional work... Congratulations", she finally adds and they leave the studio.

What the..............

Offended at first - what exactly should I look like - I quickly realize the magnitude of the compliment I've just received; and decades-old fears fall from me in flakes...  I am not defined by my past.  I am not perceived as broken.  The face I wear today is unburdened.  I look happy, because I am.  'Shelled', if you will, I am unburdened through these expressions on canvas because past realities have found a new place to exist: outside of my head.  And there is vacancy for every good I choose today.  Maybe I'm cheating... I haven't decided.  But, I let Egghead take the hits, both past and future.  He can take it, and I can move on with my life.

So what exactly should an egg-sadist look like?